Well, May Is Off To A Great Start

It’s May Day. I think that means something in certain countries, but I have no idea what. Here is how the first day of May went down in our household.

2:12 a.m. I wake up having to pee. Surprisingly, this hasn’t been a regular occurrence as of late. I get up and go to the bathroom. When I return, I cannot, for the life of me, fall back to sleep.

2:47 a.m. Still awake. My mind is wandering on such stupid thoughts as what to wear to work tomorrow, how Derek will get to the airport for an upcoming trip, why does the dog smell?

3:03 a.m. I can feel myself starting to drift off. FINALLY.

3:07 a.m. I hear the unmistakable sound of dry-heaving. Coming from the dog on the floor at the foot of our bed. Suddenly, I hear the REALLY unmistakable sound of the dog puking all over her dog bed.

3:08 a.m. I get up, flip on the light, get paper towels and cleaner and clean up the dog puke.

3:53 a.m. STILL AWAKE. Ugh. I think I fell asleep sometime around 4.

7:17 a.m. I awake to the sound of Riley calling, “Mommy! Mommy!” I nudge Derek and ask him to go in Riley’s room because “I can’t move.” Literally. I couldn’t move. My loving husband obliges.

7:27 a.m. After coming to, I hear the boys talking in the other room and I realize I need to get up and start getting ready for work. I walk into Riley’s room and see that Derek has the bed stripped of its sheets. “Good morning!” Derek says pseudo-cheerfully. I see poop on the sheets. I see poop coming out of the top of Riley’s diaper. Ruh-Roh.

7:30 a.m. I am starting a load of poopy laundry while Derek scrubs the man clean. Needless to say, Riley is not thrilled with his morning wake up call. And neither are we.

7:47 a.m. I hop in the shower. Having no time to eat breakfast. Wonder how I’m going to get ready, eat breakfast and get to work on time. Then wonder if I can make it til lunch without eating. Then laugh at the mere thought of that.

8:01 a.m. I’m blow drying my hair and Riley comes into the bathroom. He tells me he spilled. Ruh Roh, again. Turns out, in an attempt to “help” his daddy make the morning coffee that we both desperately needed, Riley spilled a little bit of coffee grounds on the floor. Then, in typical 3-year old fashion, he PURPOSELY spilled a whole scoop of coffee grounds on the floor.

8:02 a.m. Riley is in a time out, while Derek vacuums up the coffee grounds. Yells of “I want to be a good boy!” fill the air. Then don’t purposely throw coffee on the floor, kid.

8:20 a.m. Ready for work, I decide that breakfast really is the most important meal of the day. I pour myself a bowl of Kashi and a glass of water and decide to sit on the couch for 5 minutes and eat my breakfast, while Riley and Derek eat theirs.

8:21 a.m. I set my cup down on the ottoman and hear a plop. I have no idea how, but Mr. Potato Head’s ear falls off into my water glass. I fish it out and continue my breakfast. Riley laughs hysterically.

8:28 a.m. I leave for work. Hearing Riley still laughing, “Mr. Potato Head’s ear fell in Mommy’s water!”

I’m late for work, unprepared for the day, but seeing all the things that went wrong, I figure the fact that I made it to work in one piece a success.


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